The last time I posted here I had some pretty crappy news to share. I haven’t posted since then because there hasn’t been anything going on.

Finally, something is going on. I’ve gotten started with the FET process for a third time. First, a few funnies:

1. My silly nurse still emails me about watching injection videos. Lady, husband has done over 200 shots. I think we got this.
2. The money lady called me today to talk to me about how much this was going to cost. Yup, been here, done this.
3. If things go super terribly David may not even be here for the transfer. Not that he needs to be; he’s done his one job already, but I like having him with me.

Second, basically things are going to be the same as they’ve been every other time: injections followed by estrogen, increasing until my uterus is ready for a burrowing embryo, then adding butt injections and the transfer. We’ve decided, and our doctor agrees, that we will transfer the three remaining embryos we have. It makes the most sense, as we’ve had three transfers of two embryos, and none of them have resulted in a take-home baby.

I’m going to do things a bit differently on my side this time around. I’m going to reduce my sugar and carb intake, which affect PCOS. I’m also planning to try “mindfulness” exercises every day, which is kinda like meditation. I’m also gonna try some old wives tale things.

This is our last chance with this first set of embryos. We are very lucky that we had so many make it to freeze and thaw, but they have to run out at some time. That should be at the end of July.

I’ve decided this time around I’d like to listen to music during the transfer (they don’t play any at the office). I’ve started compiling a playlist of songs that speak to me about this whole trek. Some of the selections so far include:

• Let It Go – Demi Lovato
• Try Everything – Shakira
• For You I Will – Teddy Geiger
• A Thousand Years – Christina Perri
• Faith Of The Heart – Russell Watson
• Come What May – Moulin Rouge version
• Go The Distance – Michael Bolton
• You’ll Be In My Heart – Phil Collins
• Haven’t Met You Yet – Michael Buble
• I Haven’t Even Heard You Cry – Aaron Lines
• And of course both the theme songs David has written for me

I’ll be listening to the playlist throughout the next month or so, and probably after the transfer during the wait to find out if it is successful.

I had a proud-of-myself experience today. I normally go to great lengths to avoid seeing/holding babies, especially cute ones. It is emotionally hard for me to see them. It brings up feeling such as anger, bitterness, jealousy and sadness. Today, I took food for our friends who recently had a baby (I also did so a week and a half ago, but only stayed long enough to drop it off, and didn’t ask/wasn’t offered the baby). When I got there, he needed a diaper change, and I told them that I’d be willing to hold him after said diaper change. They then didn’t get him back for over an hour, because I did not want to let him go. He is such a cutie and was only fussy a few times until I moved to change his view. I was reflecting on the afternoon when I got home, and I realized that I didn’t feel any of the negative emotions I usually do. We chatted a bit about her experiences and not once did I feel even the tiniest hint of upset. I even got to give him some cheek kisses before I left and it melted my heart.

“You know our love was meant to be
The kind of love that lasts forever
And I want you here with me
From tonight until the end of time