I have had multiple people tell me that the embryos we created are “perfect” and “look amazing”.

That is all well and good, but only if they actually do something once they’re in my body. This time around they decided to do nothing. It wasn’t totally unexpected, as I was overstimulated, but still very hard news to hear. I think I knew in my heart that it hadn’t worked when I started feeling pregnancy symptoms. I know that sounds weird, but every time we’ve tried, I’ve felt that it for sure worked because I was nauseous or crampy or my back hurt. But then the tests were always negative.

The doctor that I spoke with today (mine is out of the country) said that I should have had a 75% chance of getting pregnant with how great our embryos are. Apparently my body decided on the 25% chance of not.

I’m no longer thinking that having “perfect” embryos is something to celebrate, especially when two of them fail. Luckily we have 7 back-up ones waiting for us. Also luckily, we have already purchased a frozen transfer cycle, so hopefully all we’ll have to pay for is medication. I will also ask the doctor to transfer 3. They don’t normally transfer that many, but with so many failures it seems like our best option.

We may decide to take some time off and try again next year. I’m really starting to believe that I am someone who just can’t get pregnant. If doing a frozen cycle doesn’t work for us, I don’t know where we’ll turn next.

I fully understand why so many people who go through IVF choose not to share the journey, with anyone. It isn’t easy having so many pulling and praying for you and then letting them all know that it has been for naught. I am truly grateful for all the love and support we’ve received over the last several weeks.