When I last left you I had just gotten the news that I’d need to go back in for a second methotrexate shot. I did that last Wednesday, and all went well.

On Thursday I got a bit of a surprise when I started bleeding. I called the clinic to let them know, and they told me it was part of the normal process. I knew what it was leading to. I was prepared to face a miscarriage head on. What I was not prepared for was what it was going to do to my body. I woke up to lots of pain on Friday. At about 8, I phoned the clinic asking what I could take for the pain. Because of the methotrexate I was not supposed to take any NSAIDs, which of course are the only thing that actually help with pain. I took 1000 mg of acetaminophen, hoping it would help. By 10 I was in so much pain I was sitting on the couch bawling. I called the clinic back (since I hadn’t received a call from them), and in a bit of desperation chose the “I’m a doctor or hospital” extension, hoping to speak to a person. I got through and was crying while telling the nurse that I was in lots of pain. Of course my freaking doctor was a jury duty, so she had to page him and have him call me back. When he did call I made David speak to him. Luckily he said to eff it and take 600 mg of ibuprofen. I was so thankful that news! The pain quickly went away and I went about my day as usual (except that David did all the cooking. Such a good husband). I was mostly okay after that, and only had to take 2 more pills to help with the pain. For the rest of the cramps, I chose to use the heating pad (which Cordelia did not mind at all).

I did another blood test today. I was hoping for good news, expecting not good news. My levels last week were at about 212. Today they were at 12. Yay!! That means one more blood test to make sure they go back down to 0, then we should be good to go. Today was also the first time in the last 5 days that I felt like I was able to exercise, so I went for a short walk. I was also told that once I stop bleeding I can go back to running! I’m very much looking forward to that as I have a 10K in three and a half weeks.

So there it is. The big, dreaded, crazy, emotional, uncomfortable thing no one wants to talk about: miscarriage. I’m not a science-y person, but I feel as though I’ve approached this very logically. I was checking out some forums about miscarriage, and a lot of the people on them take it really hard. I don’t really feel super sad about it. I guess it’s because of the journey that I’ve been through. I know now that using fertility drugs increases the risk of miscarriage. All we can really do is accept what happened and try again. Here’s to a better 2015!