Conceal, Don’t Feel

Infertility reminds me of the struggle that Elsa had to go through:

A kingdom of isolation

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see

Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know

Put on a show, make one wrong move and everyone will know


So many people who struggle to get pregnant feel like they have to hide it or it is something to be ashamed of. That thought truly makes me sad. People who get cancer don’t have to hide it from the family and friends, why should they have to hide this? It is a legit medical condition, nothing to feel shame about.

I feel that I’ve been extremely open about our trek with infertility. I generally post about things either the same day or soon after. That can be a little tricky sometimes. It means that whoever reads these posts knows intimate details about something that is usually between just two people. It also means that those who read this know when it is time for the big deal blood draw: the pregnancy test.

In general, the thought is that you don’t share news of a pregnancy until you’ve passed 12 weeks (or ever for some people) and are out of the so-called “danger zone”. Most miscarriages happen within the first 12 weeks, though they can happen at any time. I kinda get the reasoning behind that. You don’t want to get people’s hopes up and then have to break bad news to them. If you recall, and have been following me that long, that very thing happened to us at the end of 2014. It was our first treatment cycle with our RE, and by some miracle I got a positive beta. I was so elated that I just had to share the news right away. Alas, the joy did not last as the pregnancy was deemed unviable and I had a medically induced miscarriage. I was sad for myself of course, but also sad for those I had already told. I now had to tell them that no, I’m not actually having a baby. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It is something I would not wish upon anyone.

On that sad note, I wanted to share with everyone that I may have to do that again. It will be hard, very hard to do, but I will do it if necessary.


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