I went to the doctor again today for another blood test. At least this one did hurt at all. I also had to get a shot of Rhogam because I have O- blood and the methotrexate will cause my body to reject any future pregnancies if I didn’t get it.

I got a call with the results from the blood work today. Numbers are supposed to go down my 15%. Surprise surprise my stupid body, yet again, has no desire to cooperate. That means I get to go in tomorrow and get another methotrexate dose, which means two more shots in my butt.

I’m getting to the point where this whole process is too overwhelming. I’m just about ready to give up on my lame body. I can’t imagine going through years of this and having to do IVF. I would not be strong enough.

 

For those of you who had no problems getting and staying pregnant, who got to do it for free, or who did it unintended, I’m sorry but you don’t know what its like, and your “comforting” words do nothing to help people who can’t feel better.

I know I haven’t posted much about our baby journey, so this is a compilation of the past month.

The clomid worked wonderfully. I grew and ovulated two eggs. There were almost no side effects, other than one instance when we were driving in the car and having a stressful ride and I wanted to murder David.

After I ovulated we did two IUI’s. The clinic I go to always does two, just to be on the safe side. The following day I started progesterone. A week and two days after the second IUI I got my first positive pregnancy test. Two days later I got another one. The following day I went and got an HCG blood test. It was also positive.

That’s pretty much where the good news ends and the bad news begins. I went back in two days after the first blood test for a second one. Normally within 48-72 hours HCG levels are supposed to double. Mine went from 58 to 65. Uh, not even close to double. So I went back two days later for another test. After getting the results I was told to stop taking the progesterone. Not a good sign. I was also told to come back today for a fourth blood test.

This morning I had another blood test. When I got a call back at 1:30 (they lunch from 12-2, so I never get a call earlier than 2) I knew it would be bad news. My doctor let me know that my new blood HCG level was 212, so he asked me if I could come back in today and get an injection to end the pregnancy. The way the levels are increasing points very strongly to an ectopic pregnancy, which can be fatal. So of course I went it. Another blood test, then two quite painful shots. Now I get to go back on Saturday for yet another blood test and on Tuesday for an ultrasound.

Almost everyone doesn’t like talking about miscarriages. I find it a bit odd because most pregnancies end in a miscarriage, before the woman even knows she’s pregnant. It’s a little difficult for me, but only because of the way we have to do things.

I’m sad, but not overly heartbroken. We’ll try again of course. I reacted to everything well so I’m hopeful that this path will lead to a baby, just not in July like we had thought.

David came home from work on Thursday night and mentioned that he didn’t have anything scheduled for the next day. He then suggested we go to Disneyland (I had wanted to go on Wednesday, but he had work that day). So we were up bright and early (well, dark and early) and had a lovely day at Disneyland. It is truly one of my favorite places to visit, no matter how long we get to spend there. Yesterday happened to be a full day with us arriving about 20 minutes before park open and staying until just after 5. It also gave us a chance to try out our new camera! It was cloudy and dark most of the day, so good pictures were challenging to come by.

 

Main Street Christmas Tree!

 

 

David poses for me on Main Street. Love the new holiday decorations!

 

First ride of the day: Storybook Canal. We were on the first boat!

 

I love this little guy!

 

And we found his friend!

 

Small World! Its been ages since we been on this, and since its decorated for Christmas, we decided to go on it. There was basically no one there, so we got to take a special super short route to get to the loading area. Way awesome!

 

We originally wanted to go on Nemo first, but it wasn’t open, so it was our third ride of the day. The renovations looked awesome.

 

This was also the first time that I didn’t get a yucky feeling from being in the confined space. Oh yeah, and I took this picture of David.

 

They had the tree over at California Adventure all set up as well. There were some way cool ornaments!

 

Our last thing that we haven’t done: the Disney Junior Live on Stage show. we arrived at 10:30, which of course was the start time. We asked if we could still get in and the attendant said we could not, but asked if we’d like to come to a later show and be on the VIP list. VIP list? What’s that!? So we decided to see the 11:30 show, which gave us time to go on a ride and get some early lunch. The Cozy Cone has a new mac-n-cheese with bacon cone (delicious!) and Award Weiners has a limited time Big Hero 6 inspired hot dog (also delicious!).

Inside the Disney Junior Stage show.

 

We of course then had to ride Little Mermaid. While walking there we saw some cool decorations near the World of Color viewing area, so went to check that out too. Then I asked David if he would like his picture in from of Mickey’s Fun Wheel.

 

The Christmas parade at Disneyland has not one, but two Christmas trees!!

 

Anna and Elsa also have their own float this year!

 

After the parade we went to the Jingle Jangle Jamboree! We were about to go when we noticed that there was just two minutes before the stage show started, so we decided to stay and watch it. It was a very silly sing-a-long show.

 

After the show we were heading out to get some dinner when it was time to put the goats away for the night. Oh my gosh, if you haven’t seen this, next time you go to Disneyland you should watch. It was so cute, and David remarked that it was the best thing we did that day. What they do is put little tiny rope leashes on most of the goats, and put a long one on the sheep and the goat leader. They then lead the goat leader and sheep out of their pen (and through the Jamboree) and ALL the other goats follow! It was like a tiny goat stampede! It was so cute and so worth the three extra minutes it took to watch.

Overall we had a fun day! Tasty food, fun rides and goats.

Today was David’s Tough Mudder obstacle course race. It covered 10.6 miles with 21 obstacles.

Waiting for registration! David had the first start time so we had to get there nice and early!

David’s Mudder Number

The sun started to come up!

Adjust the shoe one last time!

Getting closer to the start line…

Warm up zone!

Okay, now really one last shoe adjust!

This guy in the warm up zone was having too much fun leading the exercises.
 

You had to climb over a wall to get to the start line! What!?

The people in the front got a fun surprise just after leaving the start line!

Starting strong!

The first obstacle: Barbed wire crawl!

The second obstacle we could see: There were two of these to get over!

Arctic Enema: They keep the water at a toasty 34-35 degrees. The stats on the website says they will use 70,000-80,000 pounds of ice during the weekend.

A ladder obstacle: Up and over for them!

Sewer pipe obstacle: Climbing up through the pipe then drop into 6 feet of green water.

Walk the Plank: Looks intense! I wouldn’t be able to do it!

Pyramid Scheme: This one required team work. You could not get up alone!

After this obstacle Richard and I had a break as David had just over 3 miles to cover before getting to the next viewable area. We went and got a pizza, had a potty break and enjoyed sitting for a few minutes.

Soggy Bottom: 3rd to last obstacle! It included a swim in Vail Lake. David mentioned that he could just stay in the water forever!

Had to run up the wall and hoist your body over the top!

Last obstacle!!! Electroshock! Those are live wires hanging down and shocking you as you run through them. David said that it was quite painful.

Finish line! Took just about 3 hours!

He wants to do another!

Ah bathing. So nice after running through the mud!

This is my first post in about a month an a half because thanks to PCOS, that is how long my cycle can sometimes be.

AF was due to show up on the 13th. Of course she decided to wait an extra week and a half before rearing her ugly head. Normally, that would be awesome. Who doesn’t want a few extra days of no bleeding! When you’re waiting for your cycle to start so you can get this process moving? Every day is like a nightmare, especially when you have a bit of spotting and then nothing.

AF came yesterday and I was eager to get started so I made an appointment for CD2 (I usually wait for CD3, just in case). I’m glad that the practice I go to requires you to get your blood drawn at a specific time of day and have an in-house analyzer. Results always only take a few hours.

This morning was another ultrasound and blood draw. Ultrasound was the same, lots of follicles just chilling. Blood work all came back at acceptable levels which means…

Today I get to go to the pharmacy and pick up a prescription for Clomid! I start it tonight and will take it for 5 days. It does generally have the unfortunate side effect of making you crazy (and hot flashes! Yes!) so I’m interested to see what its like. In 10 days I will go back to the clinic for another ultrasound to see if any of the follicles have developed (hoping for 1 or 2, good vibes always welcome!), then a fun injection to release it/them then we wait and track. If a egg (or 2) releases I go back in for insemination. Doesn’t making a baby sound so sexy when you have to do it medically?

There was another test that had to be done in order to do insemination, which was completed a few weeks ago. Everything on that front looks great which makes me hopeful that if an egg develops and releases and gets fertilized, we’re looking at having a baby sometime next August.

The nice thing about having all this happen now is that 1.I didn’t wait the recommended year of trying before seeking treatment so 2. We’re not going to be waiting around for an extra 8 months to try and get pregnant. It also means that David and I get a little extra time of just us before expanding our family (though I would have gladly given that up to not experience the heartbreak of infertility).

Here’s to a positive outlook on our next step!

After my appointment last week for the blood test and ultrasound, I had to schedule an HSG test. Today was that test. I also got cultures done. Woo.

I was feeling okay about the test until last night. One of my Facebook friends announced a pregnancy, and another posted pictures of their new daughter. One right after the other. I’ve had a tough time in general dealing with my body not working right, but seeing those kinds of things just pushes me to beyond sad. Obviously I’m happy for both of them, but that doesn’t take away from the sadness I feel. I spent a good few hours in tears last night.

My worst thought was if the test today had negative results. That would mean that our journey to have a baby would be over.

Today didn’t start off too great. Traffic was terrible, even though I left the house at 9:35. I ended up being a few minutes late and they actually called me to find out when I’d be there. Luckily when they called I was in the lobby waiting for the elevator, so I was only about 5 minutes past my scheduled time.

Started off with a pee test to make sure I’m not pregnant (HA!) then I got another ultrasound. Not quite sure why, but I guess since I’m further along in my cycle they were checking my endo-lining.

Then came the fun part. The HSG test was not quite as bad as I thought, but it certainly wasn’t a pleasant experience. I’ve felt worse pain.

 

Everything turned out great! I have a good shaped uterus and both my tubes are open and lovely! The whole thing was done in less than a minute (I’d love to make that kind of money for a minute of work!).

After the test I got to talk about the next steps with the doctor. Going back in at the beginning of my next cycle for more blood work and to get a prescription for Clomid!! Normally people start off at 50 mg, then move to 100 mg, then on to 150 mg before trying other things. I’m going to start off at 100 mg, which will hopefully speed up the process! To make sure we have the fastest results possible, if I ovulate we’ll be doing an IUI. Not what I had planned, but I’m willing to roll with it to get things moving. Now all that needs to happen is David needs to go do some tests to make sure that the IUI has the best possible outcome.

Things are looking very positive today and I’m happy with the progress so far. Best of luck to us!

I received a call this morning from the fertility center. They had the results from my AMH test.

I was told that for someone my age, the normal level of AMH is between 4 and 6. Mine came back at an astonishingly high 16. That’s good and bad news. Good news: I have a plethora of eggs! Bad news: probably have PCOS. When you have PCOS your body does not ovulate. There are many signs and symptoms of PCOS, of which I only have 1. I’ll have to do more tests to find out if that is what I have.

Back to good new though: Conceiving with PCOS is usually as easy as taking ovulation-inducing medication. I’ll still have to do all the other tests to make sure everything else is okay, but it seems very likely that my first course of treatment would be an oral med, followed by a shot med if the orals don’t work.

I’m feeling very optimistic about being able to naturally conceive (well, with the help of meds, but still in the normal fashion)! Now the waiting begins!

On Monday afternoon I had an appointment at the Southern California Reproductive Center. It wasn’t quite what I imagined it would be, but due to where I am in my cycle there isn’t much that can be done.

To start out I have to get a whole bunch of tests done to find out if there are any problems and what they may be. I had a blood test done on Monday to determine my AMH level. Hopefully that will come back nice and high! During my next cycle I’ll have to get another blood test or two and do some unpleasant sounding procedures to check out the physical condition of my reproductive parts. David will also have to undergo a few tests to make sure everything is good on his end.

The doctor that I’m seeing let me know that they’ve never had someone my age who hasn’t had success with them, which is promising. Hopefully I’ll have an easy case of non-ovulation that is solved with medication and we can go that route. If that is the case, we’re looking at at least three more months before anything exciting might happen. I’m hoping for the best, easiest, least expensive way possible for us to expand our family!

 

This morning I’ve been perusing the internets. I’ve been reading some articles on my favorite pregnancy site, Babble.com. I came across one that speaks so much to me and how I’ve been feeling for the last 2 months.

 

10 People You Hate When You’re Trying to Get Pregnant

1. Women With Four or More Kids 

A single child is understandable. Two makes sense. Three is actually quite nice. But four? Or more? Today? Are you just trying to show off your fertility?

2. Pregnant Complainers

Oh, you’re tired of hugging the toilet bowl for hours? I know, I know. Your feet are so swollen you can barely walk. And you’re not sleeping well — or at all. And your other kid(s) is so demanding right now. And you look like you’re carrying triplets. I’m sure it sucks. Wanna trade? Here. Here’s my infertility. I’ll take your pregnancy complaints.

3. Unplanned “Oops”

You didn’t even try! No fair.

4. The Pregnancy Expert

And I don’t mean doctors. I mean the women who have the exact right answer on how to get pregnant. Relax. Keep your legs up for an hour. Orgasm. Take your trigger shot a few hours before they tell you to. Don’t eat meat. Have sex on the full moon while praying to the fertility goddesses and signing an Om prayer. Sure, I appreciate the advice. And honestly, I’m willing to try just about anything, so keep the advice coming. Just know that sometimes — just sometimes — I want to punch you and your answers in the face.

5. The Woman Who Gets Pregnant Her First Try

B#tch.

6. Teenage Moms

I could so be a better mother than you ever could. OK, so maybe that’s not totally true. But it is.

7. Deadbeat Parents

I think pretty much everyone hates a deadbeat. But seriously, you don’t even deserve the title of parent. Do you have any idea how hard I’m working for this?

8. 20-somethings Who Say They Never Want Kids

Yeah, I didn’t either. And now my ovaries are like the Sahara Desert and my biological clock is a huge middle finger. If you’re young (and somehow reading anything but Perez), go have your eggs frozen. You can send me a thank-you card in another 10 years.

9. Baby Killers

Any news or story of some heinous human being dumping their newborn in the dumpster, or flushing them down a drain, or throwing them out of a high-rise, or whatever else these crazy f%*$% do to babies makes me so.effing.mad. Here’s an open note to all the world: If you have a baby that you don’t want, I WILL TAKE HIM/HER. No need for murder.

10. Yourself

You begin to think that maybe your body won’t ever work. Or that maybe you’re just not meant to be a mother. Or that you have some seriously terrible karma and you wonder what you did that was so bad for this to be your plight.

 

I know that realistically we haven’t been trying for that long but going through three full cycles with no ovulation is not feeling very promising.

 

I found an awesome product that can detect ovulation using saliva that will last for years and years. I’m seriously considering getting it instead of using the pee sticks (pain in the butt!). For some strange reason saliva gets extra salt in it during ovulation that you can see with a microscope, which is basically what the product is. The saliva goes from looking like little black dots to looking like ferns. Quite cool!

 

I’m also exploring my options as far as fertility testing, natural ovulation things and anything I can be doing to help get this party started. Its amazing how opening up about my journey has brought other peoples journeys to me. I’ve learned of several people who have also struggled, loved, lost and given up. I would love to hear from anyone who has struggled, what they did to help cope, if they overcame.